grow older better

Tag: empty nest

  • The “New” Empty Nest

    empty-nest

    Many parents know what an empty nest is……

    But did you know it can happen more than once or twice?

     

     

     

    The first time you child leaves home, be it for college, the military, or just finding their own place – you can experience empty nest.

     

    Your experience overall depends on how many children you have and whether or not some are still home…but one day all the kids are gone – they flew away – and the nest is empty!

     

    This experience, I have found, also comes about when a pet dies and you are suddenly petless…but that empty nest, can, in time can be refilled with another pet, or two, or three.

     

    You can not refill the nest with more babies, toddlers, teenagers or adults…

     

    unless…..

     

    Your grown child or children come home to live with you and bring their family with them.

     

    Suddenly, your nest is very full!

     

    But then….as their life circumstances change – they leave!

     

    And that is the "new" empty nest….when your now adults child who has lived with you for a long stretch, flies off again!

     

    The economy has made this type of empty nest more prevalent – as more adult children are returning to the nest for varying lengths of time..

     

    Your experience overall depends on how many children you have and whether or not some are still home…but one day all the kids are gone – they flew away – and the nest is empty!

     

    This experience, I have found, also comes about when a pet dies and you are suddenly petless…but that empty nest, can, in time can be refilled with another pet, or two, or three.

     

    You can not refill the nest with more babies, toddlers, teenagers or adults…

     

    unless…..

     

    Your grown child or children come home to live with you and bring their family with them.

     

    Suddenly, your nest is very full!

    But then….as their life circumstances change – they leave!

     

    And that is the new empty nest….when your now adults child who has lived with you for a long stretch, flies off again!

     

    The economy has made this syndrome more prevalent as more adults children are returning to the nest for varying lengths of time..

     

    ambivalence-about-kids-leaving-home

    But, like most everything in life, each change has its ups and downs….

     

    There is an ambivalence about having an empty nest….you miss the kids like mad…but you have more space, time and  energy…because no matter what age your kids are, when they live with you, they take energy..

     

    In future posts, I'll write about what I am doing with my bursts of energy – but in the meanwhile…

    Do you have thoughts? Comments?

    Thank you…..

  • On a dog dying

    Sam - a dog who is missed

    Sam – a dog who is missed / photo by Lynn Dorman

    Sam is a Malamutt I adopted almost 8 years ago – when he was about 2 1/2 years old.  He had a different name when I adopted him but within a short time he seemed liked a Sam and he loved the name.  So Sam he became!

    We moved to Portland almost 7 years ago and it was a perfect spot for him: dogs, dog parks and dog people…he was in heaven!

    This summer, soon after he turned 11, he started fading.  At first I thought it was the heat [he and I don’t “do” heat very well] but he never really perked up as we went into late August – and then he went on a steady decline.

     

    It was hard on me and I spent a lot of time just being with him. I made him special meals and sat with him as he ate.  His legs had trouble holding up his 120 pounds so he ate more when lying down.

     

    For a dog who never met a food he did not like it was sad to see him not want to eat much of anything.

     

    His systems were all still working and up to his last few days, he was still able to walk ever so slowly up the ramp to the road.  But there came a day he could not longer do that.

     

    I won’t go into detail here about his last few days, and our conversations, but I will offer some insights I have had in the almost 3 weeks since he died and why his death has been harder than the death of other dogs.

     

    As an adult, I have had a dog or two and/or a child around for over 40 years.  I got my first dog when I was about 29 and so I have had a dog or my son to care for [or need me] since then.

    With Sam’s death I realized this is the first time since I was 29 that I don’t have a dog or child in the house!  It’s like I have nothing to “take care of.”

     

    Yes I have a cat, and for about 2 weeks after Sam died, she hung around the house and the moorage – but now she is back to being a cat.  She stays out all day and sometimes all night.  And like a cat, she is affectionate only when she wants to be – not like Sam who just loved people watching and being patted.

     

    And for now, I am taking care of me.  I can work, travel and do things without having to go home to feed and walk a dog or call my friend to do that for me. 

     

    It’s hard at times, but I am beginning to enjoy a real empty nest.

     

    Comments? Thank you