grow older better

Tag: elder care

  • Do you have Aging Parents?

    You do have aging parents?  You are so lucky!

    Why? It means they are still alive!

    Yes –  caring for aging parents can be difficult.  BUT – there are a few things you can do to help you and them decide what is best for them.

    And yes, that means your decision making about them must include them!

    So how does one do this?

    • Have “the talk” with your parents while they are still active and healthy
    • Do a think/look/see at alternative living arrangements
    • Put all your decisions in writing

    The talk

    Remember when your parents had “the talk” with you about sex?  This version of “the talk” is about aging – their aging and yours.

    When you have this talk is up to you.  A good time for this talk, just like for the sex talk, is long before you actually need to deal with the reality of it.

    What is the substance this talk?  A frank discussion of issues such as

    • driving
    • housing
    • style of life
    • money
    • end of life decisions

    These may not seem like “pleasant” topics for a family chat – but the earlier you have this chat the more involved your parents can be in the decisions. 

    Waiting until a decision is necessitated by events is not the best time to have this discussion – if, in fact, a discussion can be had at that moment.

    Most of these issues revolve around loss of independence – a difficult option for most – but especially for older persons.  Cars, housing arrangements, life style and money give one a sense of independence.  As does making ones own decisions about changing or re-arranging these circumstances.

    Be sure to let your parents tell you what they think and want or how any decisions should be made.

    Look/See

    You can all visit senior housing communities at any time and study all the options available; including living near or with you.  There are so many newer housing communities that try to meet the many requirements for their aging populations.

    Put everything in writing

    Wills, living wills, estate matters; end of life decisions and housing/finance decisions can be put in writing.  They can also be changed.  The legalities may vary depending on where you live or where your parents now live.  Reducing your family discussions to a written document may help everyone when the emotional time comes to take action on any of the decisions.

    Aging is often difficult to deal with – but getting older sure bets the alternative.  And we now have families who have both aging parents and still-at-home children. 

    This younger generation is getting first hand experience with the “aging parent” issue they see their own parents dealing with the grandparents.

    And for many – this may be a good time to even discuss about when those kids will have “the talk” with their parents.

    As with many of life’s ongoing issues, good communication goes a long way to alleviate major problems.

    After my mother died, my son and I started our "talks" about my future and what I want v. what he thinks – those talks are sort of ongoing…

    Do you have a plan? do your kids have a plan? Do you talk about this?

    Please comment below and let's chat – thank you





  • What Makes Someone a Senior Citizen?

           Good question!

     
     
    Developmental Psychologists have long used either ages or stages to define segments of the population. Many developmental textbooks are divided into chapters based on one or the other of these definitions.

    Age definitions are ones that use numbers – such as: being 65 or older means you are a senior citizen; or all over 55 get a senior citizen discount.

    Stage definitions are usually feeling and behavior related – along the lines of: “you are only as old as you feel [or act.]”

    But over the last few decades, as we learn more and more about the later stages/ages of the lifespan, the thinking is changing – and so are the textbooks and definitions. 

    Why?

    Because the field of Developmental Psychology is itself aging – as are the original developmental psychologists – and more information is becoming known and understood about life’s processes. 

    And add to this that we are living longer. In 1940, the average life expectancy at birth in the USA was 62.9 years; in 1960 it was 69.7; by 1980 it was 74.1 and in 2000 it was 77.2. [The statistics differ by sex and ethnicity but these are the averages for all persons.]

    Average only is a middle figure. Half die before and half after the ages cited. And if one lives past infancy, life expectancy increases and it increases every year one is still alive. So those who were born in 1940, and are obviously well past 62.9, have a far different life expectancy than when they were born.   That expectancy is now somewhere into their mid 80s.

    So as to what makes you a senior citizen? It’s up to the language we use, the current psychology and of course, legal definitions.

    Most jurisdictions rely on when you can start collecting social security benefits to define what is their senior population. But that has been changing too and if you were born in 1960 or later, you will not be eligible for full Social Security benefits until age 67. But as we can still sign up for Medicare at age 65 – 65 seems still to be the “age” definition of senior citizen.

    Will that change? It might…but not for those who are already at or near 65. We ARE labeled senior citizens.

    And what about behavioral definitions – the stages aspect?

    That is up to us. We can continue to do what we have been doing – living life to it’s fullest and not becoming the stereotypes many have of what a senior citizen is.

    We are who we are – and are the ages we have accumulated! 

    If we let someone else’s characterizations of “senior-ness” define us or our behavior – then we are falling prey to stereotypes.

    I am of the thought that we are only as old as we feel and act! 
     
    So feel and act young! 

    You may still be a “senior” but you’ll wind up confounding a lot of people 
     
    This article can also be read at:

  • Fighting the Stereotypes of Senior Citizenship: 3 ways to do this

     

    older man

       

       

       

      In the United States, and some other countries, senior citizenship comes with some highly negative stereotypes.

      Sadly, we in the USA tend to see seniors as:

      • doddering
      • incompetent
      • weak
      • sick
      Some other countries tend to see seniors – or elders – as:
      • intelligent
      • statesmen
      • encyclopedic
      • worthy of reverence
      How can we change those stereotypes in the first list to those qualities in the second list?
       
      It can be done by seniors actively fighting against those stereotypes!
       
      But – how do we fight?
       
      Here are 3 ways to fight senior stereotypes: 
      • being honest about our age
      • accepting benefits such as senior discounts
      • taking care of our bodies and minds

    • Are we ready ?

      Saw this article in the Times about caring for infirm parents: click here

      It was sad and made me ask: do we have “real” discussions with our children about caring for us when we get infirm?

      I have only one child and he is in college – he had been in the military….He jokes that I need to stay in perfect health for at least another 10 years so he can have a life…also he was born when I was 38 1/2…another factor to take into account these days. Many of my friends had kids when they were near or over 40 – meaning that our kids are still young when we are getting old….

      I do know that if I were to be infirm, he’d do what he can to take care of me – and the dog and the cat – [he knows how attached I am to my animals] but it would be a burden to him….so we just joke about it. That’s easy to do as we are both very healthy right now…..But….as I asked are we ready? For me”no” is the true answer….

      Happy New Year to all.

      glyconutrients, healthy aging, growing older, aging, nutrition, exercise, eating properly,