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More thoughts on: 69 going on 70…..

I had a birthday almost 3 weeks ago and am still contemplating what this particular age means and why it feels so funny.

Just turned 69 and the day itself was a non-event – except that now, in a 3 week retrospective, it’s made me moody and I have not been particularly sociable since the birthday.

Being introspective – a bit too much at times – I finally figured it was the “being-close-to-70” that was getting to me. I never thought of myself at 70 and what it would be like and now here I almost am THAT! youch!

One of my best friends said she did not feel old til she was 75 so I still had 6 years to go on that but I told her I already felt the oncoming of “old.” There is some oddness to 70 that I still need to think about because it is interfering with my being and enjoying 69.

19, 29, 39, 49, 59 did not have the same “feel” to them – 29 was sort of odd as it was the heyday of “don’t trust anyone over 30” and there I was – turning 30 – and in Berkeley California to boot. At 39 I had a baby to take care of; at 49, I was in law school; and at 59 I was happy to be turning 60 at the same time as the new millennium! [By the way – do you remember all those Y2K fears?]

So here I am at 69 – an age with nothing really special about it for me as with the other “end-in-9-ages” – except that I am still alive, healthy and enjoying what I am doing – that’s special – but there is still that nag…

I look in a mirror and alternate between laughing and getting depressed. Me? Going on 70? How did that ever happen? How did I manage to get so old when I do not feel like I am 70. How did the years go by so fast without my doing all those things I always wanted to do? I stare at the mirror and see “old.” I am old in a chronological sense yet I also feel as if I have many more years to go before I really slow down.

My son laughs with or at me – reminds me that yes 69 years have passed since I was born – just like he reminded me on his last birthday that yes 30 years had had passed since he was born..

He must be lying – I still recall that newborn baby as if it were yesterday and I also recall times in my 20’s and 30’s as if they were yesterday – so maybe it is all a fantasy – I am not really 69 – because I can not really be going on 70 😀

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